First Date Tips

The short version

The best first date advice is to choose somewhere relaxed, keep it fairly short, be curious about the other person and let yourself be seen as you are. A first date is not an audition or a test. It is just two people working out whether they would like to spend more time together, and most of the pressure disappears once you start thinking of it like that.

Pick the right place

Go somewhere public where you can hear each other talk. A quiet pub, a coffee shop, a gallery or a walk that ends at a café all work well. Cinemas are a poor choice because you cannot talk, and very loud bars mean you spend the evening shouting. A formal dinner can feel like a lot of commitment if you realise by the starters that there is no spark.

Suggest a specific place and time rather than leaving it at we should meet up some time. Planning a little is thoughtful, and it spares the other person from having to make all the decisions. Keep it open ended, too. An hour or two for a drink gives you both a natural exit, and if things go well, you can always move on for food.

Staying safe

This matters for everyone, and particularly when you have met online. Tell a friend where you are going, who you are meeting and roughly when you expect to be home. Get to the venue under your own steam and arrange your own way back, so you are never dependent on someone you have just met. Keep your phone charged.

Hold off on sharing your home address or where you work until you feel you know the person. Keep an eye on your drink, and do not feel you have to keep up with the other person's pace.

Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, you are allowed to leave, and you do not owe anyone a reason. Many UK bars and venues take part in the Ask for Angela scheme, where you can quietly ask staff for help if you feel unsafe. Call 999 if you are in immediate danger.

Getting ready and what to talk about

Wear something that makes you feel like yourself and that you are comfortable in. A clean, well kept version of your usual style is better than an outfit you keep tugging at. Have a shower, brush your teeth and go easy on the aftershave or perfume.

Have a look at the route so you are not arriving flustered. Being on time is a simple kind of respect, and a quick message if you are running late is always appreciated. If you are nervous, remember that the other person probably is as well. Saying so out loud can be a lovely icebreaker.

Forget about having a set list of questions. Ask about things that open up a story, such as what they enjoy about where they live, the best trip they have taken or what they would do with a free weekend. Listen to the answer, and then ask something that follows on from it. That simple habit will put you ahead of most people.

Do share things about yourself, and try to keep a fair balance. It is usually wise to leave a detailed history of your ex out of it, along with long complaints about your job or a list of everything you are looking for in a partner. Nobody needs to settle the big questions tonight, although it is perfectly fine to be honest if you are looking for something serious.

Put your phone away. Face down on the table still sends a message, so keep it in a pocket or bag unless you are genuinely waiting for something important, in which case say so.

Drinks, the bill and how to end it

A drink can help settle the nerves, but stop before it starts doing your talking for you. If either of you does not drink, that needs no explanation or comment. Be kind to the waiting staff, as people notice. As for the bill, there is no single rule in Britain now. Offering to split it is normal, and so is one person paying and the other offering to get the next round. Never treat paying as if it means you are owed something. Buying someone dinner buys them dinner, and nothing else.

If you would like to see them again, say so simply. If you are not sure or not interested, you can say you enjoyed meeting them without making promises you will not keep. A kiss at the end of a date is only a good idea if the signs are clearly there, and asking is fine. Nobody has to do anything just because the date has gone well. Send a short message afterwards if you enjoyed yourself, and if you are not interested, a kind and honest message is better than disappearing.

If it does not go well

Most dates do not lead anywhere, and that says very little about you. Treat each one as a pleasant hour spent learning about someone new, and take away whatever you can. If you would like more ideas, see our guides on flirting with respect and dating apps in the UK.

Some people simply want an easy evening of good conversation, with no wondering about what comes next. For them, a dinner date with an escort is one option. The rate is for her time and companionship, and all the same good manners apply.