Sex Positions: A Guide to Comfort and Communication

The simple answer

The best sex positions are simply those that feel comfortable and enjoyable for both of you. There is no correct list, no ranking and no number you need to work through. Magazines love a top ten, but bodies differ in height, weight, flexibility, health and mood, so what suits one couple may not suit another. It might not even suit the same couple on a different day.

Talk about it

Saying what you like is far more useful than any diagram. If you find it awkward, try talking away from the bedroom first, or start with something like, I really liked it when we did that. During intimacy, short and friendly phrases work fine, such as a little slower, or can we move. Asking, is that good for you, is always welcome. Either of you should feel free to pause or stop at any time, and that should never cause a row.

Comfort and support

Small practical things help a lot. Pillows can support your back, hips or knees. A firm mattress may be kinder than a very soft one, and a warm room will help you to relax. Lubricant from a pharmacy can make things more comfortable, and water or silicone based kinds are the ones to use with latex condoms, as oil can damage them.

If something twinges, change it. Pushing through pain to prove a point is how people pull muscles and end up cross with each other.

Health and changing bodies

Bad backs, hip and knee problems, pregnancy, surgery, disability and ageing can all change what feels good. Generally the answer is to adapt and try another approach, not to give up. If you have concerns about sex during pregnancy, talk to your midwife or GP.

Pain during sex is common but is not something you should simply put up with. See your GP or an NHS sexual health service if it keeps happening, as there are often simple causes and effective treatments. The same goes for bleeding after sex.

Keep it in perspective

Variety can be fun if you both fancy it, but what matters most is feeling relaxed and close to each other. For a broader view, read our guides to taking things slowly and the Kama Sutra, which turns out to be about far more than positions.