Polyamory Meaning

What polyamory means

Polyamory means having more than one romantic or loving relationship at the same time, with the knowledge and agreement of everyone involved. The word blends the Greek for many with the Latin for love, and it is often shortened to poly.

The difference between this and cheating is honesty. Nobody is being deceived, and everyone knows about the others, even if they do not all meet.

How it differs from an open relationship

An open relationship usually centres on one main couple who agree that sex or dating with others is allowed, often with feelings kept out of it. Polyamory leaves the door open for love and long term commitment to more than one person. There is overlap, and people use these terms in various ways, so it is always worth asking what someone means by them.

Different ways it can look

There is no single model. Some people have a primary partner plus other relationships that are less central. Others reject any ranking at all, a style often called non-hierarchical polyamory. Some groups of three or more share one relationship together, and others have partners who have never met. You may also hear the word metamour, which means your partner's partner.

What tends to make it work

Communication is the obvious answer, and you will hear it from nearly everyone who does this. Time is the less glamorous one, as every relationship needs attention and there are still only seven days in a week. People need to be clear about their expectations, and honest about jealousy when it turns up.

Regular sexual health checks and agreements on protection are important, because risks are shared through the wider group. NHS sexual health clinics offer free, confidential testing.

A few practical points

Polyamory is legal between consenting adults in the UK, but marriage is limited to two people, so anyone in a long term poly arrangement may want advice on matters such as wills and property. It is also not an easy fix for a relationship that is failing, and no one should be pressured into it. If you are finding it hard to talk things through, a counsellor who is experienced in relationship diversity can help. For wider thinking on closeness, try our guide to types of intimacy.